Nigel Westlake's Eulogy for Eli

So it is with heavy hearts that  Janny and I extend to you all a very warm welcome to celebrate his short life.

So many ….who have travelled so far ....... to share the grief and the memories of the untimely passing of one who was so loved.

The incredible diversity of the assembled congregation here….people from so many different communities and walks of life, (the hip hop community / DJ community / graffitti community / the boating community  / so many close school friends and work colleagues from the theatres of Sydney  / all of our close family friends and family from all over the country  and of course all of his young mates who grew up with him in this place……close friendships that were forged at the Macdonald Valley Public school and remained so for all of his life…….  is  a testament to Elis special ability to communicate and engage with anyone – without prejudice or value judgement.

A generous spirit who had so much to give – abundant with curiosity and an infectious thirst for life.

He was reknown for his slightly bent and wicked sense of humor – a genuinely funny bastard. (He would have had a little chuckle if he knew his funeral was to be held on Friday 13th! )

An observant and quietly spoken character with a gift for listening to others and a rare ability to empathize with anyone – regardless of their age, colour, gender, creed or race.

A parent could not be more proud to play a part in the life of such a treasured soul.

It's fair to say that this young man had a troubled youth. Like so many young people, he had deeply anxious moments of self doubt, depression, self hatred and ongoing disputes that weighed heavily on his heart and, from time to time crippled him with guilt and lethargy.

Diagnosed with depression, he was determined to conquer his demons on his own terms and flatly refused to take any prescribed medication or seek counselling or assistance of any description. As parents, we were very unsettled at his apparent refusal to deal with these issues in the “correct” manner  - but at the same time I had a faith that ultimately he would pull through and come the full circle -  returning to the carefree individual we knew prior to the onslaught of adolescence.

We draw great strength from the fact that the Eli we knew in the last months of his life was a man who was at peace with himself.

He had paid his dues and settled old scores.

He had finally worked out who he was and was actually pretty cool with it.

He was ready to take on the world in his own quiet way and was hard at work making plans for the future.

I understand he was a rising star at Chameleon lighting where his work colleagues included a number of his school mates from the valley.

I was fortunate to share some of the best times of my life with Eli and his grandfather just 3 weeks ago as we sailed up the east coast of Australia.

Eli had been hassling me for as long as I can remember to pursue a dream of sailing up the east coast of Australia to the Barrier Reef.

After putting it off for years due to work commitments, I decided that the year of my 50th birthday was a time to engage with some quality family time -  and so we spent several months planning a major voyage. Don, Eli and I  departed the Bobbin Head Marina barely a month ago – sailed past Barrenjoey headland and turned left.

For some 10 days we lived on board together and experienced some treasured moments together.

Some distance south of the Byron Bay lighthouse Eli finished his 2 hour shift at 3.00am and as I passed him in the companionway he asked me to wake him when we got to cape Byron. As the Byron light became visible in the pink light of the pre-dawn I went down to his bunk to wake him.

Together we sat on deck to watch the sun rise in the East and the full moon set in the west over the Byron lighthouse.

As the dawn broke, a whale jumped off the port bow and at the same time Eli's fishing line went crazy with a large tuna.

An exquisite moment in time and one that will stay with me forever.

After putting in to Southport for rudder repairs and discovering that we needed to have a whole new rudder made which would take some weeks, Eli asked me if I was OK with him returning to Sydney to work and save a bit of money. Don and I followed him back a few days later in order to wait for the new rudder, after which we would return to the Gold Coast and continue  the trip. 

Sadly, this was never to be.

Eli was the best crew one could hope for and a father could not have more wonderful memories to treasure.

Nothing is right about this!

It is not right that a parent should outlive a child!

It is not right that a young man should hold his brothers hand as he dies and feel the warm blood draining from his body as it seeps over the concrete and into his clothes!

It is not right that a group of young people in the prime of their lives should be subject to such an act of unimaginable, abhorrent violence and witness the death of their friend before their very eyes!

It is not right that a woman, allegedly fuelled by a cocktail of drugs and alcohol, should take leave of her senses and drive a car into an innocent crowd of people on the footpath, resulting in a charge of murder.

It is not right that our darling Eli lies before us with the life force taken from him  - in a coffin especially painted by his closest friends - as we muster the courage to walk to cemetary and commit his magnificent body to our mother earth!

It is not right that a father should spend the day at the cemetary with 20 of his sons best mates, chipping away at the earth and measuring the hole to see whether the coffin will fit!

Friends, nothing is right!

But somehow we must draw strength from each other and desperately find a way to turn this hideous tragedy into something good. Some small ray of hope that we can grasp on to and help us to heal our wounds.

Many people have spoken to me about a number of ideas that would help us to treasure Eli's memory.

There is talk amongst the young people of forming a foundation that would bring troubled youths to the country in order to participate in music workshops using hiphop and other genres of music. There is talk of having an annual hiphop festival here in the valley on the anniversary of his death. These are wonderful ideas and I encourage the young people here to pursue them. Jan and I offer you our full support.

So many people have worked with incredible dedication and energy to help us assemble this ceremony today as a tribute to the young guys life.

Janny and I are in awe of your generosity, your capabilities, your warmth and compassion and we thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

There are so many of you (you know who you are!)  - but special mention must go to Bridgitte and both my gorgeous sisters Kate and Kristin who have left work to be beside us in our time of need.

When Eli was a young chap studying cello at the conservatorium I found him a number of times in the corner of the dining room, lights off, head in hands, tears streaming down his face, listening quietly to Albinonis famous adagio. It is this piece that I would request our dear friends from the Goldner string quartet to play for us now.

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